If you to trot down the road this week to buy a kilo of mystery bags [sausages] from your local butcher dont be too harsh on him, treat him with love and respect and try to understand the predicament he soon may find himself in.
I’m Ruined ‘Im ruined! shouted Hanrahan as he banged his forehead onto his chopping block, before he could do himself any more harm I threw my self at him narrowly missing the bag of sodium dioxide I would soon discover was the culprit in Hanrahans demise.
You see this week my local butcher Bazza Hanrahan was prosecuted for adding a pinch too much preservative to his famous real good sawdust type sausages, when I entered the scene of the crime Hanrahan was beside himself , following the early morning raid by the riot squad hanrahans nerves were a jingling mess, already on his second packet of zig and zags & he was completely inconsolable.
By the end of the day word had got around town that Hanrahan had been adding a pinch of sodium dioxide to his famous real good sawdust type sausages.
Panic gripped the town, by the end of the day Hanrahan was bankrupted,his wife and children had left him and his pet dog had managed to dig itself under the back fence.
That night Hanrahan wandered the town friendless,about as popular as a pork chop at a jewish picnic,his house had been surrounded and a noose had been thrown over the big elm tree. At one stage his wife and children spied him across the road about to bunker down in a dumpmaster ,she unloaded a torrent of abuse about bringing shame to the family, his children just spat in his direction. He felt as useless as a spare prick at a wedding
In this country you just cant do what Hanrahan did without fear of massive fines, threats of jail, bankruptcry or instant divorce,unless of course you manufacture cigarettes.
Sausages are legal you can eat them with gay abandon, unless of course there is a pinch too much of sodium dioxide which preserves the meat and sawdust that made Hanrahans snags so delicious. If I could’nt get my daily ration I would shake like a dog shitting razor blades unless I could whip out a government subsidised sausage patch and apply to my forehead.
Every time Hanrahan wrapped up a kilo of the mystery bags for me I never saw the warnings on the outside of the wrapping paper .
Maybe I missed the graphic images of rotten cancer ridden teeth or the lungs full of black gunk or the one where your toes turn black just before they are amputated, but then again he was’nt required to because eating sausages with preservatives wont kill you.
Lets cut to the chase here, if you own a cigarette company no such laws apply, you can add any amount of chemicals to your product that any heart or set of lungs could desire.Cigarettes can and will kill you as long as you have a hole in your bum, the packet even says they will kill you,turn your lungs black, rot your teeth and diminish your chances of winning the lottery.
Governments rake in the taxes from every packet of cigarettes even though the government knows they are killing you ,after all they make the company put warning signs on every packet .I reckon thats great, the government makes the company put warnings on the pack that cigarettes will kill you, and then allow the company to sell them to you
Lets look at what the government allows legal tobacco companies to add to their product at the same time greedily grabbing the taxes it imposes. Benzine a petrol additive,formaldyhyde is embalming fluid,acetone a nail polish remover with a bit of arsenic thrown in.
Now thats only a small number of the additives that are added to each cigarette legally,Some may argue that these chemical are naturally occuring and the “fag fascist” and the “nicotine nazis” are more than happy to promote the dangers by blowing the information out of proportion while at the same time collecting government taxes imposed on companies from selling cigarettes. Quit smoking campaigns receive government funding from the taxes on cigarettes to convince you to stop smoking,
I should state my position very clear here, yep ,I love a fag after finishing work each day ,but why is my mate Hanrahan prosecuted for adding a bit of sodium dioxide to his real famous real good sawdust type sausages, when cigarette companies are allowed to kill off their customers at alarming rates .
What I am trying to say here is that governments can’t treat people differently, if cigarettes are so bad for our health then ban them altogether , dont continue to be hypocritical when you collect massive taxes from the sale of cigarettes at the same time you persecute people like my mate Hanrahan.
Governments should prosecute any company that puts the health of its citizens at risk and should not allow some companies to be treated differently based on their lobbying capacity and the amount of money derived from the taxes of dangerous products they sell to the public.
Tell me what you think
P.S I did complain to Bazza about why he put sawdust at each end and meat in the middle of the sausage,he said it was always hard to make ends meet
The Bagman says
I actually complained to Bazza the first time I bought sausages from him, I took the first batch back because he had sawdust at both ends and meat in the middle when I complained he said it was almost impossible to make ends meet.
Great article Denis, but since when did you ‘get a job’? Maybe your butcher should smoke his snags!!
Smoking is a dying habit.